The expat hangover

An "expat hangover" is emotional and psychological challenges that people often face after the initial excitement of moving to a new country fades.

It happened to us for the first few months after we arrived to Portugal. For us it was the stress rolling off of us from the planning, logistics, and the move, and frankly the stress we didn't know we were under the United States.

We didn't expect it at all, and we try to let anyone else moving to Portugal to expect it. Take extra time, care for yourself, give yourself a bit of room to feel whatever it is you feel.

This 'hangover' is a common phase during the process of cultural adaptation and can include feelings of loneliness, homesickness, frustration, or regret.

Here's a breakdown of what some of our research found it entails, as well as our own and others' experiences that we've spoken to.

What Causes the Expat Hangover?

• Honeymoon Phase Ends: The early excitement of exploring a new culture, lifestyle, and environment can give way to the realities of daily life in the new country. It can go from vacation-feel, to life-is-a-lot really fast. You are a sponge with everything in a new country so giving extra time to soak things in, and also relax and recognize you in an ever-present learning state, is helpful.

• Cultural Adjustment Challenges: Language barriers, cultural misunderstandings, or unfamiliar social norms can feel overwhelming. It can be tiring. Sometimes it's nice to go places and have no clue what's going on, sometimes it's stressful because you want to get things done or participate more fully.

• Missing Familiarity: The absence of family, friends, and familiar routines can lead to feelings of isolation or nostalgia. Also, little things like being able to find certain foods, perhaps apps that make life easier.

• Practical Difficulties: Challenges such as bureaucracy, housing, or setting up utilities can add stress. Come talk to me about how stressful it is to manage a phone tree to turn of a utility when you aren't good enough at the language to understand what's going on.

• Elation of Change: You've spent perhaps years gearing up for the move, talking to friends and family, going through the emotional journey of giving away or selling houses, cars, family heirlooms. You perhaps came from a place you didn't want to be anymore and have been on such a high of excitement for so long. That's a lot of emotion flowing through your system, once things calm down and you did the BIG THING, it can feel like you've been hit by a truck.

  
  

Typical Symptoms

• Emotional Discomfort: Sadness, irritability, or maybe even a sense of regret about the move. I've been more on the sad and irritable side, and try to give myself extra time to just exist and do basic things.

• Disconnection: Feeling like an outsider or struggling to connect with locals and other expats. Learning a new language, ways of interacting, all these things take energy. It's easy to hole up in your house and ignore it all.

• Frustration with the New Culture: Small annoyances, such as differences in customer service, social interactions, or daily habits, might feel exaggerated. I've seen this with others and myself - something as small as someone bringing someone sugar when they didn't ask for it put them into a near rage.

• Physical Symptoms: Fatigue, trouble sleeping, or general stress from adjusting to a new routine. Downright inability to focus as you build new habits.

  
  

How to Overcome It

• Acknowledge the Feelings: Understand that this phase is normal and temporary. I tend to go toward the idea of saying that I 'have' a feeling, as opposed to me 'being' the feeling. "I have sadness" works better in my brain than saying "I'm sad" and feeling like it's a forever label. The feeling may last for a few days, maybe a week. Keep in mind as well as things change in your home country from family gatherings to politics, you might have a new hangover arrive.

• Build a Support Network: Connect with locals, other expats, or join social groups to establish a sense of belonging. We can help!

• Learn the Language: Language skills can significantly reduce feelings of isolation and increase confidence in navigating daily life. We could be better about this absolutely, but even a little bit goes a really long way.

• Embrace the Culture: Focus on learning and appreciating the new culture rather than comparing it to your home country. Honestly, that's also why we are here.

• Maintain Connections Back Home: Regular communication with loved ones can provide comfort and perspective. This unfortunately, at least I've found, remains largely in the hands of the people who moved. I'd suggest before leaving your home country coaching people on time zones, what times might start to work for everyone to connect and start connecting with them at those times. 10am in Seattle but 6pm in Portugal? Start getting your friends and family in the mindset early of what the 'good hours' are.

• Give It Time: Adjusting to a new life takes time, so be patient with yourself. If there is anything a Portugal move has to have, it's patience.

  
  

When It Becomes a Bigger Issue

For some, the "expat hangover" can evolve into deeper challenges, such as depression or chronic anxiety. I've definitely seen an expat or two have full on panic attacks. Don't isolate yourself, talk to people, get outside, move your body. And talk about your feelings. It's critical people know how you feel - don't just post images of sunsets and beach walks. Let people know what is truly going on.

In such cases, seeking support from a counselor or therapist experienced in cultural adaptation can be helpful. We can recommend a few.

Understanding and preparing for these emotional ups and downs can make your move smoother. I cannot promise these feelings won't happen, but knowing they exist is a good first step.

If you're planning a move to Portugal, it might be useful to connect with local expat communities or professionals who specialize in cultural adaptation to help you through this phase. We would be elated to be of help to you in this.